Author Archives

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Clawing back…


Once upon a time, I wore a tinfoil hat. Protect privacy, protect personal data, etc. Encrypted messaging, Facebook is evil…

At some point, I let go of that. I honestly don’t care about keeping most of my private life private anymore. Being “out” and disconnecting from my family has been a liberating experience in many ways. I’m increasingly coming to the conclusion I was right about that Facebook is evil part though.

The way that Facebook has become a de-facto “news” source for so many is terrifying. The ease with which that source can be manipulated for profit or political gain has started what I fear may be the fall of my country’s democracy.

The platform is USEFUL, which is why I’ve stayed so long and left my tinfoil hat to grow dull on the shelf. It’s a useful communication tool to keep in touch with people I don’t see in person on a regular basis. Like other “tools” of which my opinion of late has shifted, I think Facebook has reached a point where its danger is exceeding its utility.

Too many who use this tool do so without taking precautions against any of the ways that the ill-intentioned can misuse it. (To be clear, I don’t think that applies to possibly any of the people who can still read this message.) Worse, to the degree that those with misguided agendas are the owners of the platform itself, there’s likely nothing that can be done to protect against their seemingly sociopathic disregard for appropriate protections of the information and power entrusted to them.

For now, I’m deleting both the Facebook and Messenger apps from my devices. I expect I’ll continue to check them occasionally from a desktop browser, but I can see even that fading over time. I intend to configure notifications to ensure things like events will still reach me.

For those times I feel the need to share things about my life, I plan to expand use of the WordPress install I have at https://pendorbound.com/ It’s unfortunate that RSS/ATOM have essentially died as aggregation protocols, but if you happen to still use a news reader of any kind, you can subscribe using it. I also tend to quip on Twitter more than other platforms, so if you’re curious about things that might otherwise have ended up as a mini-rant on Facebook, that’s likely where you’ll find them going forward.

If you have a profile on another social site we could connect with, I’d appreciate anyone reaching out to me on other sites. Feel free to “friend” me, but I’d appreciate a message saying Hi if it’s likely I might not recognize your username or other info to know who you are.

If you’d like to contact me for any reason, please feel completely free to use any of the following mechanisms.

Text: If you have my cell phone number and use Apple devices, iMessage is my preferred means of contact.

If you use non-Apple devices, SMS is insecure. If you have my number, you can use SMS if it’s the only thing available, but I’d prefer you use Wire if you can.

Wire is an encrypted messaging platform. It’s my preferred means of contact if you can’t use iMessage. I’m @pendorbound on Wire.

I’m also @pendorbound on Twitter, Tumblr, FetLife, and numerous other platforms. If you find a pendorbound, it’s *probably* me.

If you feel the need to write a book, send me an attachment, or otherwise exceed 140/160/280, or whatever arbitrary length limits, you can email zac@thebedells.org.

And Zuckerberg: If your bots pick this up, pull your head out of your ass and prioritize your users over the dollars you can extract from anyone willing to pay a buck to exploit and manipulate people. History’s watching you. I honestly don’t think you care as long as you can increase shareholder value.

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A rant in review, three years later

Going through some old notes this morning looking for something, I found this bit from three years ago. I’m happy to see that the Albany community is in a much better place now than when I wrote this in exasperation. My thanks to those on the BoD who have worked this improvement and to those in the community who have supported the change.

Especially after C2K, I’m looking forward to what three more years might bring.

I know none of us are lawyers, but I’ve got one in the family for what that’s worth (nothing…). One thing that really worries me about our stance on the legality of our demos is the assertions that 1) Our demos are breaking laws (I don’t believe that most of them do, but for sake of argument assume they do), 2) That Albany area law enforcement would take an enforcement interest in what we do, and 3) That by holding our demos in non-public locations we’re protecting ourselves legally from that LEO interest.

Not to put too fine a point on it, legally speaking that idea is INSANE.

If in fact we’re breaking laws and if LEO cares about the laws we’re breaking (adultery is illegal in many places, but not something that’s prosecuted frequently), then the venue where we hold our events has no bearing at all on whether we’ll have legal trouble or not. Sufficient details as to what activities are planned to get a warrant are posted on all of our event announcements. If Albany is so small that the police feel the need to prosecute consensual BDSM activities between adults, then there’s nothing at all barring them from getting a warrant and busting up a private party. The “private” location is one subpoena away (and for the record, I’d personally comply with any such location served to me in a heartbeat), and a warrant could easily follow that based on what’s in our public event descriptions.

I truly don’t believe that Albany’s police or the DA care. They have real crimes to worry about. I’ve witnessed things in Rocks that go far beyond anything we have planned for a demo in terms of the level of sexual activity, and as far as I know Rocks hasn’t been busted up, and their plans for downstairs are increasing the level of activity, not curtailing it.

There’s no reason we can’t run events “legit” in Albany. By legit I mean hotel management aware that a private function is in progress and staff refilling water etc. isn’t necessary or acceptable, local police & fire consulted and signed off (if only verbally) that everything we’re doing is okay with them, and any permits, etc secured (not that I anticipate needing any for the one-night hotel stuff we do). All if that is in line with NCSF’s recommendations.

If we can’t at this point in time manage that in the capital of New York State, then why are we even wasting our time trying to put on events? If Smalbany really is that small, it’s just a matter of time until we’re all arrested for something anyways.

We need to expunge APeX of the concept that any of the secrecy we try to maintain is protecting us at all legally. Let’s start with us taking a look at our legal exposure and realistically assessing what we can do to protect ourselves and how effective those protections really are. Once APeX’s leadership can face the realities of our legal position and our status in Albany, then we can have a frank dialog with our membership about what they risk by participating in our events, what steps we can take to protect them, and what ineffective steps we can avoid that would otherwise harm us.

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Where was the kaboom?

A yellow tent - the C2K logo

This writing has a sound track…
“Begin Again” • Jason Ross • Anjunabeats Worldwide 06*

I doubt this is true for all personality types, but my own unique breed of braingremlins do not do well when there’s something I’m Responsible For that I can’t actually do yet. Quite a lot of things have to get done to bring a weekend kink event together, and the thought of Letting People Down … Well… Let’s not think about that yet.

The best way to keep the braingremlins from gnawing away is to make a list and get everything done that can possibly be done as soon as it possibly can get done. There’s always a little room for last minute stuff, but if it can’t be fixed with a quick run to Staples or Dom Depot, the gremlins will not rest until it’s out of the way.

A quiet start, but you can feel the energy starting to weave its way in around 1:04.

“Sos” • Ilan Bluestone & Grum • Anjunabeats Worldwide 06

Energy, but flattened out. Square wave bass constrains the maximum amplitude. Interwoven melodies around 0:48, all the things that need doing. Purposeful melody at 1:02. Focus, accomplishment. A moment’s relaxation at 1:15, but the Things are still waiting. They’ll be back. They break through the calm at 1:30. A sharp melody strikes with the background buzz of the squares gone. Just focus. Plenty of time. Knock them out one at a time. But everything else is still looming. Focus gets buried. Forces back through the noise. Focus! Knock down what still needs doing (2:50).

Of course among the numerous things that need doing to run a kink event, there are LOTS of things that just can’t be done very far in advance. Printing name tags before all the last minute sales are done is wasteful and takes longer than just doing it all at once last minute. Oddly, most venues object to showing up with a truck load of dungeon furniture a month before you’re supposed to be there…

So anyone with similar braingremlins to mine probably understands the state of manic calm that falls in the week or two before The Day. Everything that could be finished ahead of time is. All the supplies you need to do the last minute stuff are on-hand, probably packed away in a storage tub ready to go on a truck. The name tag blanks are sitting next to the printer, the design & mail merge spreadsheet are ready. Just gotta paste those last few names in (come on folks… plan ahead a little??? 😉 and hit print. And swear at the printer for an hour because it’s 2016 and still nobody can design a laser printer that’s worth a damn when the weather’s a bit humid…

“You’ve done all you can,” is usually reserved for comfort after an epic failure. The operation was a success (but the patient died). You did all you could, doctor… The week before an event, it’s something of a mantra. You’ve got entire DAYS left you could be preparing, but there’s nothing you can do to advance the cause. You just have to wait it out. Manic calm. I SHOULD BE DOING SOMETHING!!! deep breath You’ve done all you can. For now…

“Alone Tonight (Jason Ross Remix)” • Above & Beyond & Jason Ross • Anjunabeats, Vol. 12

Then go-time arrives. There’s a big empty truck pulling up your driveway and a couple of hundred pounds of stuff on your porch to go in it. Then drive to stop two to pick up more stuff. Then three. rinse, repeat The calm part gets to take a powder, and the manic has full agency to get the job done. Adrenaline is a hell of a drug… No pain, no fatigue (well, not yet…). Just DO.

Self-care is important… I know a lot of people have to force themselves during an event to take a little time, get enough sleep, an actual honest to dog meal. Yeah… The gremlins won’t stand for that.

I’m lucky that I can bank spoons pretty well. I can take a couple of days off before the event, get my head together, do good health things like actually sleeping and eating properly and getting some good runs in. That little pre-cation is saving up for the next few days of self abuse. Once it starts, there’s no time for sleep or band-aids. There’s no bones sticking out. WALK IT OFF! Can’t let people down. I’ll be a little over-drawn on the spool account before the weekend is up, but that’s what the day after is for. Recenter, relax, kick out the manic and get back to normal (whatever that means).

The entire time, I feel Marvin the Martin standing on my shoulder. “Where’s the kaboom?? There’s supposed to be an Earth shattering KABOOM!!” Always waiting for the other shoe to drop. Misters Murphy (no, not The Blue) and Finagle are the ruling law for such things. Prepare all you want, but if anything can go wrong… (It’ll probably be expensive…)

If you’re listening, hit at least 2:02 before continuing. The rhythmic crescendo that starts there & runs through about 2:26 into the bass driven percussion running through 2:57… That’s what it sounds like in my brain when it’s go time.

“Bend Girl” • Kyau & Albert • Anjunabeats, Vol. 12
Relaxed energy. Less manic, but nothing close to quieted down. The race is over, but we’re not stopping yet. This is our victory lap.

So for all the stress and second guessing leading up to an event, it’s a precious gift when everything just falls into place (instead of just falling on the floor). With the help of a few awesome people, I feel comfortable saying C2K 2016 went off about as close to perfect as I could have asked for.

Thank you to everyone who helped. I think everyone had a great weekend, and it wouldn’t have happened without every one of you being amazing. “Whoever comes is the right people.” “Whatever happens is the only thing that could have.”

“Black Room Boy” • Above & Beyond • Group Therapy
This song is me.

And speaking of spoons… If you don’t know the Spoon Theory of mental health, take a minute to look it up. It’s a pretty good abstraction. If someone tells you they’re running low on spoons, you’ll know what they mean and have some idea how to help.

The thing about this weekend though…

Usually I’m all-the-fuck-out of spoons after being in a throng of people for three days, being no more than camp-clean (at best), sleeping on a less than ideal bed with nature to wake me up early…

This weekend I was privileged to be surrounded by all of my spoon-positive people. You’re the people I can be surrounded by and actually walk out feeling recharged, not like I had to deal with people all weekend. You all did so much more than just simply be there, but even if that’s all you’d done, you helped.

This Monday, sure physically I feel like Wile E. Coyote after the steam roller came through, but mentally I’m better than I’ve been in a damned long time. Thank you.

“When it’s over, it’s over.”

“I Love You” • O.M.F.G. • Single

I love you guys. I swear, I’m not day drinking. Just high on a con I don’t have to crash from.

by

Kids are people too…

So I was searching through my writings for a list of things I needed for C²K, and found something that was written in response to @SomebodyNotOnFet’s Facebook link. The link was:
http://www.journal-news.com/news/lifestyles/parenting/physician-parents-youre-doing-it-wrong/np69X/

tl;dr: Doctor Grumpy Pants says you’re parenting wrong if you’re allowing kids to have any kind of self actualized identity or opinions of their own…

My response:

Have to say I disagree with a lot of this. Dear Son is turning out alright…

The idea of using parental dictate as the default teaches children they have no autonomy and must be subordinate to those in authority by default. That sets up a lot of BigBrother state being okay which bothers me to no end. “This is what’s wrong with ‘Murka,” kind of bother… In anything short of a seconds-matter emergency situation, I’ve always tried to explain to Dear Son why what needs to be done and convince him to deal with something that’s for his own good. I can’t think of a good reason to not do that. Certainly, if it needs doing, it needs doing, but don’t start out making demands. Make a request, and sometimes you get the answer you need. If not, explain. If still not, well, that’s when, “You’re the kid, I’m the adult, sorry.” comes in. And even then, it’s I’m genuinely sorry that he has to be forced to do something he doesn’t want to do. I don’t enjoy depriving people of their autonomy, regardless of their age. I certainly don’t treat anyone as if their lack of autonomy should be a default state. It’s a necessary evil sometimes, and that’s life.

I’ve always reserved *demands* for things that are immediate and urgent. “Dad voice,” means you’re about to get hurt or do something supremely dangerous/stupid/expensive, and you need to stop it right now. Never had a problem with getting the required response. I think it’s “crying wolf” to use that in cases where it’s not required. It weakens the effect when you really and truly need them to listen to you without question.

As far as alliance with the school? Fuck that noise. The US public school system should be burned to the ground. I’ve lost count of the number of times I’ve sided with Dear Son against the school. Granted, the school wins (because BigBrother, in part…), but the alliance is between Dear Son and me, against the school when necessary. Why the hell would I side with the government against my own kid? As collaborators in this conspiracy, we have an understanding that, “Suck it up, get your paper, and GTFO,” is sometimes the only winning play. Pick your battles. But it’s never a matter of do it because the school said so. We talk about their motivations. We try to find a veneer of a reason, some way of understanding the “why” when we can. A lot of times, that’s led to understanding and acceptance, though usually not enthusiasm for the policy. The life skill of being able to understand what makes others tick is FAR more valuable than anything he’s going to get out of school. He’d never get that if the school and I were in an “alliance” and just smashed his opinions into the dirt without question.

For for all the attempted empathy and understanding, I agree with Dear Son in many cases, the school policy is bullshit, completely unsupported by any good reason, and it still doesn’t matter because we’re both powerless against The Man. The good Dr’s position that you should trust the school to know better? Baaaaaaa. Good sheep…

Screens out of the bedroom. Fuck that noise too. You want to be Dr. Luddite, that’s fine. For most of my life, some sort of electronic device has been my exocortex. The part of my brain that usually works better. I’m a fan of transhuman ideas, and I have no problem whatsoever with having a connected device on hand at all times. Again with the autonomy and me not being more-equal, I never leave my own device *anywhere*, and I wouldn’t expect Dear Son to do differently. There are socially appropriate times to be playing with it, so that’s a thing. Have it to look something up at dinner, no problem. Have it to play flappy goat when people might want to converse with you? Nah. That doesn’t fly. Courtesy is a thing.

As far as kids being sleep deprived? No argument there. It’s not the screens though… That’s more a function of adults insisting that children operate on adult and senior schedules. There’s quite a bit of evidence that humans evolved so that different age groups are most alert at different times of the day. Some part of the tribe is always in their alert period to watch for danger and signal the others. We do kids (and teens especially) a disservice to insist that they be alert early in the morning when their bodies are wired to be alert later in the day. File that under burning the US school system, but anywho. As far as staying up late and being exhausted because angry chickens? Autonomy means living with your own choices. Still gotta get up and do the necessary. If you’re tired because you stayed up too late last night? Here… Lemme jam out a little solo for you on my diminutive violin… Don’t do it again, go to school, have a nice day!!!

I don’t think I’m doing anything good by removing the opportunity for bad choices. Obviously there’s limits to that. I’m not going to leave a couple of lines of coke on the kitchen table so Dear Son can choose not to do it. (For the record, I don’t do cocaine. This is literary hyperbole. We all know rope is my addiction…) But for things where the consequences are fairly benign, I’ve no doubt making your own mistakes and learning from them is far more valuable than never having been given the opportunity to make mistakes.

The whole family meals, time with us wins out over everything else… Nope. Again, Dear Son is an autonomous person with his own desires and goals. Just because I’m a parent doesn’t mean my desires automatically trump his. There are family holiday things that I insist he attend sometimes. Courtesy dictates it, even if it’s not your favorite place to be. There are others (recently a party of adults and distant cousins he doesn’t know) where I could fully understand that six hours in the car to eat lunch & drive home wasn’t a thing he wanted to do. I hope he values the time he & I spend together and wants to spend time with dear old dad sometimes, but I don’t feel I get to dictate who he spends his time with. He’ll be young and have friends in high school once in his life. He should enjoy that to the degree he wants to while he can.

Now, there are limits to how far I’m willing to go to to facilitate that as well. I don’t get to dictate how he spends his time, but neither do his desires necessarily dictate how I spend mine. The whole shuttling kids, à la soccer mom? Na… My time’s not more important than his, but it’s not less either. I’m the one with the car keys, so that tips the scales in my favor a bit. Sometimes we’ve driven an hour out of the way to pick up or drop off at a friends to go to an event or something, but no chance I’d ever structure every evening around playing chauffeur…

If anything, a lot of the Dr’s dictates sound like he’s jealous of the young. “You can’t hang out with friends you have meaningful connections, shared experiences, and have fun with because I don’t have that and so I insist you spend time with me so I’m not lonely.” That’s what I’m getting out of it anyways. Not me. Have fun kid. You’ll be old before you know it, and dead not long after that. Life’s too short not to spend time with the people *you* want to spend it with. I’m also a big subscriber to the idea of choice-family rather than blood-family. Some of the people I consider my closest family members have no blood at all between us. Some people I’ve blood relations to, I could squarely do without (and largely do). Blood doesn’t matter nearly as much to me as it does to some, and I’m not about to insist my child choose blood above all else.

Also, not for nothing, but Dr. Luddite there even *looks* like the canonical example of, “That asshole hard ass dad”…

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Accidentally Vegan Rice Pudding

If you’ve been to an Albany event and tried the rice pudding, chances are good it was a variation on this recipe. I call it “Accidentally Vegan” because while I normally have no qualms about exploiting and even eating the tasty animals, this recipe happens to be made completely without dairy as it was created for a dear friend who’s a bit of a lactard. 😉

Accidentally Vegan Rice Pudding

  • 3-4 cups (dry) jasmine rice (like this)
  • 2 cinnamon sticks (about 1 teaspoon powdered would work but sticks are better!)
  • ½ tsp. salt
  • 1 can coconut cream (like this)
  • 1 can coconut milk (like this)
  • ½ – 1 tsp. cardamom powder (powder is better here – full pods have unpredictable potency, and this stuff is powerful
  • Spices to taste, including additional cinnamon (powder is okay), allspice, clove, nutmeg.

Preparation:

  1. Prepare rice according to rice cooker instructions. Add the two cinnamon sticks in with the rice/water as well as the salt.
  2. When rice is done, transfer it to a heavy bottom pot on the stove. Add coconut cream & milk, and spices.
  3. Simmer over low heat stirring constantly until rice absorbs nearly all of the liquid. Remove from heat and serve warm or cold.

Quantity on the rice isn’t that critical — I’ve done this with 3 or 4 cups, depending on what my rice cooker at the time could make in one batch. Usually you want one cup water more than you have cups of dry rice. Close the lid, start the rice cooker, and walk away. Don’t open the lid to stir or otherwise disturb it until done! You definitely want jasmine long grain rice. Anything else will be lacking. Don’t rinse the rice before adding it to the cooker! You need all that tasty starch attached for the pudding to gel properly.

What if you don’t have a rice cooker? Buy one. Seriously, they’re cheap, and perhaps second only to the food processor, they’re one of the most useful and cost effective kitchen appliances you can buy. You can get an effective one for well under $20 at Walmart. The number of one-dish dinners you can make in a rice cooker boggles the mind…

For the spices, cardamom is the main one that gives it that perfect rice pudding flavor. The stuff is powerful juju, so add with caution. The line between tasty and “OMG what did you do to this!?” is razor thin. Start with a ½ teaspoon or less and add additional to taste. If you over do it, you can’t fix it. The entire batch will be blech!

The other spices (allspice, clove, nutmeg) are optional, and I’ll include or omit them depending on what I’m in the mood for. Clove & nutmeg are also very powerful, so add sparingly and taste before adding more. Nutmeg I’m especially light handed with.

The salt in the rice is NOT optional. If you’re watching your diet so much that you can’t afford a teaspoon of salt in a dessert that serves 6-12 people, just skip the dessert. It’ll be healthier for you… Salt brings out the subtle flavors of the jasmine and the spices, and leaving it out results in a flat tasting, bland dish. Life’s too short for low-sodium desserts!

You can serve the pudding warm or cold. It’s different but tasty both ways. If you do go cold, put it in a metal tray and into the fridge or even the freezer for a bit to get it cold as quick as possible. All of that coconut and starch in the “danger zone” isn’t good.

(So what’s this got to do with kink you ask? I bring the stuff to kink parties all the time. Some people have threatened to start a FetLife fetish over it…)

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Gagged…

(Mirrored here in case FL takes offense at implementing a sponsors’ perk on the client side…)

Assume the following:

  1. There’s someone on your friends list who you’d like to keep as a friend.
  2. They post status updates more frequently than you’d like, or perhaps containing content you’d prefer not to see (triggering, etc.).
  3. You prefer not to support FetLife in order to receive the “gag” function as a supporter’s perk. (Whether you’re cheap, broke, or just object to the way Baku runs things to the point that you’re unwilling to monetarily support him is up to you.)
  4. You have no qualms installing extensions into your browser of choice and accept that it’s legally Fair Use under US law (or under similar doctrine in your own home jurisdiction) to modify a website for your own viewing pleasure in any way you see fit.

Solution:

  1. Install GreaseMonkey (http://www.greasespot.net/) for Firefox or the compatible TamperMonkey (https://code.google.com/p/tampermonkey/) for Chrome.
  2. Install the following script, replacing the “FL_ID_TO_BLOCK” part with the ID of the person you’d like to read less of. You can get the ID by grabbing the number from the end of the URL to their profile page.
  3. …
  4. Profit! Well, no not really, because that would belie your modification being Fair Use. This is acceptable for personal, non-profit use ONLY.

That’s it. Refresh your news feed, and it should be less cluttered. Currently this script blocks only a single user and only status updates. Comments, Love’s, etc. aren’t blocked. Modifying it to block multiple users is left as an exercise, at least until such point as two or more people trip my annoy-o-meter; and I have to hack it up to block them all.

Extra credit: Modify this to support the semi-standardized format of tagging triggering posts à la: “#tw #whatever”, then blocking any posts with a collection of trigger words.

Extra extra credit: Get a critical mass of FL users to adopt Tumblr-like trigger word tagging as standard practice. (Good luck with that…)

IMPORTANT: This script is provided without any guarantee. If it breaks, you get to keep the pieces. The author is NOT prepared to provide any kind of support in its use or installation.

SPECIAL EXCEPTION: If I’ve personally seen you naked and/or tied up, I’m probably willing to help you install it. All others, please see the Googles…

// SCRIPT START - REMOVE THIS LINE
// ==UserScript==
// @name Block_FL_User
// @namespace fl
// @description Block unwanted status updates
// @include https://fetlife.com/home/v4#everything
// @version 2
// @grant none
// ==/UserScript==
// This program is free software; you can redistribute it and/or modify
// it under the terms of the GNU General Public License as published by
// the Free Software Foundation; either version 2 of the License, or
// (at your option) any later version.
//
// This program is distributed in the hope that it will be useful,
// but WITHOUT ANY WARRANTY; without even the implied warranty of
// MERCHANTABILITY or FITNESS FOR A PARTICULAR PURPOSE. See the
// GNU General Public License for more details.

function gag() {
var posts = $('tr.status_created a[href="/users/FL_ID_TO_BLOCK"]');
posts.parent() .parent() .remove();
}

/*--- waitForKeyElements(): A utility function, for Greasemonkey scripts,
that detects and handles AJAXed content.

Usage example:

waitForKeyElements (
"div.comments"
, commentCallbackFunction
);

//--- Page-specific function to do what we want when the node is found.
function commentCallbackFunction (jNode) {
jNode.text ("This comment changed by waitForKeyElements().");
}

IMPORTANT: This function requires your script to have loaded jQuery.
*/
function waitForKeyElements (
selectorTxt, /* Required: The jQuery selector string that
specifies the desired element(s).
*/
actionFunction, /* Required: The code to run when elements are
found. It is passed a jNode to the matched
element.
*/
bWaitOnce, /* Optional: If false, will continue to scan for
new elements even after the first match is
found.
*/
iframeSelector /* Optional: If set, identifies the iframe to
search.
*/
) {
var targetNodes, btargetsFound;

if (typeof iframeSelector == "undefined")
targetNodes = $(selectorTxt);
else
targetNodes = $(iframeSelector).contents ()
.find (selectorTxt);

if (targetNodes && targetNodes.length > 0) {
btargetsFound = true;
/*--- Found target node(s). Go through each and act if they
are new.
*/
targetNodes.each ( function () {
var jThis = $(this);
var alreadyFound = jThis.data ('alreadyFound') || false;

if (!alreadyFound) {
//--- Call the payload function.
var cancelFound = actionFunction (jThis);
if (cancelFound)
btargetsFound = false;
else
jThis.data ('alreadyFound', true);
}
} );
}
else {
btargetsFound = false;
}

//--- Get the timer-control variable for this selector.
var controlObj = waitForKeyElements.controlObj || {};
var controlKey = selectorTxt.replace (/[^\w]/g, "_");
var timeControl = controlObj [controlKey];

//--- Now set or clear the timer as appropriate.
if (btargetsFound && bWaitOnce && timeControl) {
//--- The only condition where we need to clear the timer.
clearInterval (timeControl);
delete controlObj [controlKey]
}
else {
//--- Set a timer, if needed.
if ( ! timeControl) {
timeControl = setInterval ( function () {
waitForKeyElements ( selectorTxt,
actionFunction,
bWaitOnce,
iframeSelector
);
},
300
);
controlObj [controlKey] = timeControl;
}
}
waitForKeyElements.controlObj = controlObj;
}

waitForKeyElements('tr.status_created', gag, false);

// SCRIPT END - REMOVE THIS LINE

History:

  • v1 : Initial release
  • v2 : Internalize waitForKeyElements script since loading from github seems to time out
by

Changing FetLife Browsing Habits

Once upon a time, I might have been innocently (cough) browsing around FetLife and happened (just happened, mind you…) across a pic of a hot lady (or gent) attached to some kinky looking bit of furniture, perhaps with some dom(me) near by making hir life interesting.  And I’d be all, “Hey, that’s hot, let’s see more!” *clicky, clicky, clicky, download pic-y*…and let my inner perv run wild.

Lately, though…  I’ll be browsing around FetLife, just minding my own business and stumble across a pic with some fetching creature attached to some kinky looking bit of furniture, and I’ll be all, “Hey, that’s hot, let’s see more!” *clicky, clicky…*  Damn, that girl’s in the way!  I can’t see how that bit’s held together!!  Come on…  Give me another angle, yeah!  That’s it!  Show me those struts, baby!!!

…

Yes, I have mental issues.  Some might say subscriptions…  What can I say?  I get off on making sawdust…

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Kettle? I have the Pot for you on line one…

I’ve been posting rather more than I would have expected on FetLife’s dieting & exercise related groups.  If you’re reading my profile having come from one of my posts on those groups, I feel like I should provide some kind of credentials to backup my otherwise uninformed Internet ramblings.

For most of my life, taking dieting advice from me would have been a bit like taking sobriety tips from a guy guzzling from a large brown paper bag on the street corner.  I was without any equivocation FAT for most of my adult life (and most of my childhood for that matter).  It’s only in the last two years that I got the figurative kick in the tush I needed from an old friend and decided to get my shit together.

At my heaviest, I tipped the scales at about 435lbs on a 6′ frame.  (In fact, I tipped the scale so hard I had to buy an industrial shipping scale to weigh myself since most “standard” bathroom scales top out some where around 300-350).  I’d dieted “a bit” on my own, and by the time aforementioned gluteal kick came around, and I really started getting serious about losing the weight, I was down to 420lbs as of 02-Jan-2011.  

I started out with diet alone and no exercise to speak of, mostly because I simply was in such bad shape that I couldn’t realistically do any kind of exercise.  Walking up the stairs broke a pretty good sweat…  I followed a protocol known as a protein sparing modified fast which in its most simplified form is 750-1000 KCalories of protein per day, zero fat, zero carbs (other than fiber), and a ton of vitamins to make up for all the nutrients not present in the diet.  Appetite suppressants are almost mandatory to get through it (either prescribed by a doctor or OTC ephedrine).  It’s a hard plan to follow, you’re hungry most of the time for the first few months, but I lost anywhere from 3-6 pounds per week consistently.

Fast forward a bit to early April, 2011, and I was down to about 350.  With the weather in Northern New York finally starting to warm up a bit, I started walking.  My first “official” exercise walk was about 2 miles and took me about an hour.  When I got home, I was trashed…

I kept at it over the next few months and finally started jogging a bit by the end of April.  At that point, I was using the “Ease into 5k” iPhone app and doing walk/run intervals.  Keeping up with the initial set of intervals was killer, and it took me a few weeks to catch up to the app.

The intervening year & change that elapsed until I’m writing this was pretty much more of the same.  I slowly got to run further & faster, started going to the gym to lift weights and hit the treadmill religiously three days a week over the winter.  As I write this, I’m down to 230lbs, I can run 5k in about 34 minutes, and I’m a week away from doing my third sanctioned 5k event: Warrior Dash (the second time I’ve done that particular event).  

Comparing how I feel now to two years ago without using cliches like “night and day” isn’t possible (or at least is beyond my own limited word-art).  I have more energy, I look forward to doing things socially outside the house without dreading how exhausted I’ll be just trying to move around.  I’ve found that a runner’s high is almost as good as a good pain-fueled endorphin rush, and nobody thinks you’re sick & twisted for doing it (no, who am I kidding… People still think I’m sick & twisted for getting up early to run or going out in 90ºF heat…).  All positive improvements, to say nothing of increased *ahem* stamina…

When I do post on the FL health groups, I try to be compassionate, because I remember being fat.  I remember how hard it was to get started, how many false starts I had over the years.  For me, the kicker was seeing a friend who was half the man I’d last seen and learning from him that he’d done most of it in just over a year.  The promise of that kind of result (and seeing it with my own eyes) was what I needed to get going.  

Starving yourself to lose 5lbs a month and having to do that for 5 years to get to a reasonable weight isn’t sustainable.  The payoff for a nice slice of cheesecake really is better than seeing a tenth of a pound lost on the scale the next morning.  Losing 20, sometimes 30 pounds a month, seeing amazing results in just a few months & knowing that I’ll have a body that resembles the one I’ve always wanted in just over two years start to finish…  That’s what it took for me.  It’s not quite instant gratification, but it’s damn close.  That’s more rewarding to me (now) than that slice of cheesecake, and I can usually manage to pass up the “goodies” and enjoy my payoff on the scale in the morning.  The better part of a pound a day is nice to see.

That said, for my compassion, I don’t take BS very well.  When I read someone say, “I’ve tried everything, nothing’s worked,” I remember my own whining over the years.  And I remember that every time I said those words, I was so full of shit it was running out my ears.  It’s easy to half-assed diet.  It’s easy to cheat “just this once” three or four times a week.  Unfortunately, that doesn’t work if you want to lose weight and get healthy.  So if you read one of my posts and it seems like I’m being harsh, please forgive me.  It’s not that I don’t appreciate how difficult it is to find the motivation to get healthy; but I remember that what I ultimately needed was someone to kick me, not coddle me.

So…  My dieting strategy has been unconventional.  I’ve done numerous things that established medical wisdom would call unhealthy, ineffective, or just down right stupid.  The thing is, it’s worked for me.  It’s also worked for my friend and is still working for my significant other.  And for all three of us, all of the established medical wisdom over the years (eat lots of small meals, you can’t lose weight without exercising, low fat/high carb is good for you…) didn’t help us in the least.

Desperate times call for desperate measures…  At least for someone who’s young and fortunate enough to have not started accumulating all of the obesity related secondary diseases, PSMF can work and can be safe.  That said, do as I say and not as I did and consult with a doctor before beginning any diet or exercise program…

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Trying something new

I’ve never been a fan of using third-party hosting for anything that’s at all intimate to my life.  Starting with some poor editorial decisions at LiveJournal ages ago (not decisions against me personally, but things that offended my principles in any case), I’ve largely eschewed any type of community site for hosting my writings, pics, etc.  It’s not a matter of privacy concerns per-se.  I don’t mind having my content posted to those sites or visible on the Internet, but I’m not a fan of relying on them to store the only copy of things that have emotional or other significance in my life.

Once upon a time, I used LiveJournal for blogging, Flicker (or sometimes LJ) for photo hosting, and pretty much trusted that they’d never have a server failure, censorship nazi hack attack etc.  Since making the decision to not rely on LiveJournal over a decade ago, I’ve hosted my own blogging software on my co-located server (once WordPress on a box at my then-employer, these days Moveable Type on a Mini hosted at http://www.MacMiniColo.net).  I still post photos I want to share to Flickr (mostly to use their “free” bandwidth instead of my own), but I maintain everything on my own server in a Gallery instance, just in case.

When I recently started actually *using* FetLife for writing about my life (account holder since August 2008, actually posting for four months…), I kind of back pedaled on my no-third-party-hosting standards and have left a few posts here that I would be rather disappointed to see evaporate into the ether some day.  Now to be clear, I have no complaints about FL’s editorial policy, I have no particular information that leads me to think their platform is insecure, unstable, etc. (though those 503/nginx errors have been getting annoying lately…).  Still, I prefer to host things on hardware I can backup, have full editorial control over, and ultimately can delete and completely remove from the Internet should I ever need to make that decision.

My vanilla friends & family read my “normal” blog (if you know my real last name, feel free to hit http://www.the<lastname>s.org/blog/ to see.  It’s mostly geeky stuff, so be warned…), so posting kinky things there isn’t the best of options.  Security options in MT could provide some kind of control, but I wouldn’t expect all my FL friends to create accounts and login there.  So I figured it made the most sense to grab yet another domain name, setup another MT instance, and just post links on FL.  I used to do similar on LJ to auto-post a link to LJ when I posted to WordPress.  I don’t think it’s easy to setup an auto-post link to FL, so I’ll just have to remember to do it manually.  On the upside, my MT instance provides ATOM feeds, so if you really care about my life, feel free to follow the feed in case I forget to post links.

http://www.pendorbound.com/

For now, I’ve copied the few writings I had from FL over to MT.  I’m in the process of writing up detailed construction plans for the various furniture I’ve been posting about recently, so if you’re really a masochist, stop by in a few days for a pile of trig and algebra for figuring out Saint Andrews Cross angles…

For now, I’m probably going to continue to only post pics I want to share on FL as having the FL login check in front of them gives me just a tiny bit of a sense of (false) security that I’ll lean on for now.